I did something similar to the Qs and As below in my old journal some time ago. The questions are a bit different than the first time, so I thought it would be a good thing to answer these and have them on hand in case someone comes along later who is unsure of how to act around me or around someone else with a disability. Keep in mind though, these are my answers and someone will answer them a bit differently. Also keep in mind, when in doubt, ASK. I don't know of anybody who's a mind reader. Certainly least of all, me. I and others will be able to tell when you're uncomfortable around us, but we won't know why. So, in this case at least, ignorance isn't always bliss. How can we help you, how can any of us build relationships with each other if there's no communication?

Ok, *blushes* I probably got heavy-handed there at the end, but it's true. The questions below were compiled and put together for a Disability Panel by some of the women in Pickitt at Cornerstone University. There are 10 questions, it seems, people have always had but never dared ask. Emma found them on another blog and shared them with me. I'm glad she did.

1) If you could relive your life without having your disability, would you?

Interesting question. I don't know about reliving my entire life over again in a different way, because I really don't want to. I mean, who wants to be stuck in mortality over and over again? I don't! But I have been curious as to how it would play out if I'd been born able-bodied. I know it would be vastly different. I would be vastly--well, different enough anyway. I believe I would be a harsher, less spiritual--for lack of a better description--version of myself. I sometimes think it would be cool if I had the opportunity to watch both lives play out, just to satisfy my curiosity. Maybe I already have, in the Pre-existence, and that's why I feel at times I chose my disability. I don't know. But there you have the long of it, I don't want to relive my life again.

2) Do you want people to show interest by asking personal questions about your disability?

I've never been asked this before, so I've never thought about it really. But now that I have...it depends on who asks, their motive...whether it's sincere curiosity or just plain nosiness and prying, and what the questions are.

3) What is the hardest thing in life for you to do?

I don't know really. This is another hard question for me to readily answer. There are many things that are hard for me to do. Picking things up that I've dropped on the floor. Dressing myself. Transfering myself from chair to other surfaces and back again. But I guess the hardest thing for me to do is talk to my family about how I'm feeling, what I'm perceiving or thinking when I'm emotional. Sometimes even when I'm not it's the hardest thing. I can imagine or can usually predict their reactions and words, and instead of seeing them become a reality and entering what I know would be a confrontation, I remain quiet. I remain quiet and brood till I get over whatever it is is bothering me. But they sometimes push and press, and if I'm emotional enough that I actually shed tears because I'm sssooo upset or angry, they won't let up on me for that either. I get told to toughen up and develop a thick skin. I've been told in the past to grow up.

The main reason I tend to keep quiet is because of past experience. I don't want confrontation, and it has led to that in the past. I don't want table-turning or finger-pointing the blame, because I've sometimes come out the loser and all parties involved--and sometimes those who aren't--part angrily. And I HATE this!

But I'm fast approaching the point where I'm beyond caring about confrontations. I'm reaching that point where I'll be danged if I don't have my say. They can like it or they can lump it.

4) What is the hardest obstacle that you have to overcome often?

This is an easy one. People stereotyping me, refusing to see I'm about as normal as they are, however different I am from them. I've already talked about a part of this in an unsent email.

5) Do you resent people that try to help you?

Only when they assume authority and take over without asking. Nothing makes me feel more like an inept child or a useless, dodgering old person than when someome takes over. And I resent it and the person even more when I'm expected to be ever so grateful. *affects a gentile Southern drawl on the last three words*

6) Would you rather do things on your own?

Heck yeah! who wouldn't? I wouldn't keep getting into recurring personal predicaments if I could do things on my own like able-bodied people.

7) Do you feel any anger towards God because of your disability?

Heck no!!! If I feel I chose it because it was the better way, why would I be angry with Him?

8) What do you dislike the most of other people around you (ie. people staring, pointing, etc)?

The stares. I mean if you came into a room or walked down a lane or sidewalk or down the main thoroughfare at the mall, and people stared at you and it wasn't complimentary, wouldn't you feel self-conscious? Uncomfortable?

9) What is the best way for us to help you?

1. Ask
   
2. Treat me as you would be treated
   
3. Get to know me, so I can feel comfortable with you
   
4. Tell me about yourself, so I can relate to you
   
5. Be sensitive, be adaptive; there are activities I can't do definitely, but there are others, like swimming and bowling that I can do, if a bit differently

I hate to say it, but sometimes I do. I feel very self-conscious, uncoordinated, clumsy, like a bull in a china shoppe. Sometimes it's my imagination, but sometimes it's also stares, and so I feel like a freak on display.

moon phase